To
be a celebrity is to be the subject of wild speculation. To be a
reality star is to put your entire life up for discussion. To be a
Kardashian is, really, to understand that rumors will constantly fly.
And fly they do.
There isn't a day that ends in -day that
goes by in which the Internet isn't chock-a-block full of stories about
this famous family, whether they be true, false or totally outlandish.
The Kardashian news cycle is its own machine, operating without regard
to anything else. A person could read nothing but Kardashian news and
still not have enough time to get through it all.
And then there's the problem, in the words of the great Stephen Colbert, of truthiness.
What's real? What's fake? What's in-between? We're here to get to the
bottom of it all. It's always entertaining to look back and some of the
absurdities that have wound their way onto the covers of magazines at
the checkout line, so why not do so with a little bit of rumor patrol
thrown in?
Ted Cruz is Robert Kardashian.
Yes, really, there is an Internet rumor that the late, great lawyer is
not actually passed, but is in fact living in the body of one Ted Cruz.
If this were true, we would have to give it up for his makeup
team, because that is some Oscar-worthy stuff right there. Also, don't
you think that if the Kardashian patriarch were going to pull that off
he would choose a far more altruistic new identity?
Kim faked her second pregnancy. If this rumor can happen to Beyoncéit
can happen to anyone. The commenting population of the Internet ran
with this one, apparently because she looked "too skinny" while she was
pregnant with Saint. Kim decided to tackle this one in her own words, so
you can just refer to this for the refute.
Khloe is O.J. Simpson's daughter. People have been saying this for years because, mostly, Khloe is taller than the other sisters. Clearly, this is total hooey,
to use the technical term. Sure, KoKo loves to joke about it for a good
off-color laugh, but that's all the more reason why it couldn't be
farther from the truth.
Rob and Blac Chyna's fights are just for ratings. It's
nothing more than truly unfortunate timings that Rob and Chyna's
chaotic romantic ups-and-downs took place during their spinoff show's
run. E! confirmed the spats with our own sources,
and Rob took to Instagram to tell his followers, "This isn't for some
ratings this is my real life so please understand I'm just being open
right now."
The Kardashians are suing Blac Chyna for trying to steal their last name. Last spring, Blac Chyna (real name Angela White) filed a motion to trademark the name Angela Renée Kardashian,
which is what her name would be if she were to marry Rob. The three
sisters filed papers to formally oppose the trademark. But, this isn't
as inflammatory as it sounds—their companies (and the lawyers they keep
on payroll) automatically file an opposition to anyone trademarking
their name. So it's more legalese, less Family Feud.
They're members of the Illuminati. We could tell you, but then we'd have to...well, you know.
Kim is quitting the business to go to law school. This
wouldn't be so crazy: Kim has the money to do pretty much whatever she
wants, her father was a famous lawyer, and she's pretty darn determined.
She also told Wonderland magazine last year, "If things slow down and I had time, I really want to go to law school." The key word her is if, and we don't see things getting boring in Calabasas anytime soon.
The Paris robbery was staged. Just...no. The official word is "No."
Scott and Kendall are having an affair. Anytime
the twosome are photographed alone together, this rumor comes back to
life. And due to the fact that they both lead very globe-trotting lives,
it comes back to life a lot. We hate to break it to all you Scondall
shippers, but, barf. This never happened, and never will.
Scott and Khloe are having an affair. Fake-Scott really gets around, huh? See above for the word.
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